Questioning

Does God really answer prayer? Does He really care about me?

The thoughts had been swirling in my head for several days. I'd been praying for weeks now, but silence seemed to be my only answer. Discouragement hung over my head.

What's wrong? Have You forgotten me?

I'd heard the whole "don't give up hope because God often works in the last split second" speech. And I clung to that. Surely God was just waiting until the very last minute so He could work His amazing supernatural power.

But the last second came and went. Still, there was nothing. All was silent. And I felt alone.

Disappointment overwhelmed me. I felt rejected, pushed away. Why?

"I trusted Him but He's not answering me. He doesn't care about me and I don't understand," I poured my heart out to my husband. "It doesn't work anymore."

The answer that came from his gentle, yet firm voice hit me like a brick on the head. "Maybe you're praying for the wrong thing. You're praying for what you want, your expectations. You expect God to fix your problems by giving you what you want, rather than what you need. Maybe you should start praying for contentment instead."

What? "Maybe you're praying for the wrong thing...you should start praying for contentment instead..." His words went round and round in my head.

Praying for the wrong thing? Is that even possible? I was sure that what I was asking for couldn't be wrong. Yet, was it? Did I truly desire God's will or was I just trying to push my way with Him?

The more I contemplated those words, the more I realized that they were true. God had heard my prayers. He did care. He knew all along what I wanted. But that wasn't what I needed.

Instead of giving me my way, He was lovingly giving me what I needed to make me more like Himself. He was gently molding my heart, continuing to create a thing of beauty in spite of my pleas to stop. Because He saw something I didn't.

"But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand." (Isaiah 64:8)

He does love me. He loves me more than I can imagine. And that is why He said "no" to my way.